Hey guys! Welcome back! Or, If you’re new here- Welcome.
I don’t blog often, so when I do, my 3-5 followers rejoice. I also am really bad about updating this, but maybe, just maybe, we start something here.
So, since my last blog, I have turned 34, Corona has hit, We have all been on house arrest, life has changed, and we need to re-connect.
If, like me you struggle with anxiety- Corona has been a literally nightmare for you. To quote my favorite snowman ” We are calling this, Controlling what we can when things feel out of control”, and that pretty much sums up the fact that I’ve been drinking more wine than usual. I also have Hashimotos Disease and guess what?!?! Stress can bring on a flare up- so there’s double the stress, add to that fatigue, break outs, mood swings, and a general sense of doom and you’ve got yourself a hard to handle Holly. But, because that’s not quite enough, lets add to that list. I was struggling last week. Like struggling to the point that I had to take a nap on my lunch hour on the two days I worked. Fatigue is real people. Anyway, I called the Doctor and did a Tele-medicine appointment ( hello 2020) I told her my issue, my thyroid is giving me fits- so she says “Lets check your levels- come in for blood work”, so I do that. Guess what- I’m now diabetic! Hooray! So there’s that. Which is another thing to learn about, another medication to take ( but not within an hour of the thyroid meds), and luckily, I get to follow mostly the same diet that controls my Hashi’s.
I promise I’m not complaining.
I did this to myself, sort of. Genetics have some to do with it, but when you work yourself like I do, you sometimes ( always) forget to eat, so when midnight rolls around you eat something carby and go to bed. Habits make the world a better place. So I am learning some new ones. I know how to eat healthy, and I know I should eat small meals often, Its the execution I have to work on. I know that God gave me this body to live in and take care of, and that’s what I intend to start doing.
But lets move on to Covid 19. For all of us who lived through 9-11, we remember it as a day when the entire world stopped, and when we got up the next day, our world had changed forever. I feel like that about Covid 19, I wasn’t worried about it before, I wasn’t taking it seriously, I was like most people, but when it started changing my day- to day life I woke up and realized that this is serious. I feel like when things start opening back up, we are going to feel like we did Post 9-11, there will be a new feeling of normal. I don’t think you can go through something like this without it changing you some. I have a favorite scripture and its so fitting in this time.
John 16:33 (NIV)
33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.
I remember the 3rd or 4th time I read through the Gospel of John and I read those words, they must have been where the lord was leading me that day because I read – “Take Heart, I have Overcome the world” and I cried my little heart out. I think of this scripture when I feel displaced in the world, I think of it when outside forces over take me and make me panic. He has OVERCOME the world. I read this and I remember that Jesus will get me through anything, even a pandemic.
Mental Health- As I said before, if you’re anything like me you struggle with anxiety. For me, at times is crippling. I watched my Step-Grandmother, have “Nerve Problems” most of my life. I watched my own Mother struggle with depression, anxiety, social anxiety, and I always promised myself I would not be that person. I would not fear going out in public, would not fear going to the grocery store, parties, carnivals, festivals, traveling, etc. And I fight it. There are times I force myself to go out in public. There have been times I have forced myself to go on a mini vacation with just me, just to get out of my comfort zone, but with the Pandemic forcing all of us inside, calling a halt to spring time activities, and just in general making life miserable, I have found myself having more and more panic attacks. I literally couldn’t leave my room 2 weeks ago I was having so much anxiety.
So I called my doctor. I have meds for panic attacks as needed, but I needed something else. I wasn’t sleeping. I was awake for hours at night and waking up early the next day, starting the whole thing all over again. She prescribed me something else, and I am very grateful, Its not a solution to the problem long- term, but I am fully in support of dealing with what you can, in a healthy way, I know this isn’t forever, but for now, my anxiety is under control.
I feel like, as Christians, there is such a stigma attached to talking about Mental Health / Anxiety. Because we have Jesus, and don’t forget, ” The bible says 365 times not to worry”. And for me it’s like, ” Thank you Karen, but this is not normal “Worry””. This is all encompassing, heart racing, lungs collapsing, hands shaking, stomach churning stress and worry over something you literally cannot pinpoint. You cannot shake it off. You cannot just remember that the Bible says not to worry and make it stop. You can however, surrender it to Jesus every day, every hour, every minute that it effects you. For me, medication, self- care, and Jesus all work hand- in hand. I remember what the Bible says, and I, thankfully have a support system to help me. To stop what they are doing and just pray me through it. To quote scripture over me and my home.
I remember that even Jesus, in the Garden of Gethsemane, was human, and even though he knew the outcome, knew what was going to happen, he still prayed ” 39 … O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt.”.
So when I feel doubt, fear, anxiety. I remember that my heavenly Father sent his son to earth not only to die for MY sins, but also to experience and understand Human emotions. He is out intercessor. He understands.
That’s just an update on my life. That’s just me being as real as possible. I hope you are all well, thriving inside as much as you can. Being Healthy and Staying safe.
Love and Hugs ❤